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i can see you struggling; boy don’t hurt your brain

college

Being in college at twenty-five is somewhat… weird and awkward, for several reasons; you feel like you have more in common with your professors than you actually do with the other students, and you would much rather hang out with your professors. Or when you run into your professors during weekends because they are attending the same events as you are, visiting the same bars, etc.

I know I’m not the only one in college at this age, but you feel sort of “pointed out” when some of your professor go (in front of the entire class) “my older student(s) probably” know this and that already, or when a professor talks about, or jokes about marriage, and then goes “you know this since you’re married, too” and look at you, or even point you out. The other students are so obviously staring at you with that “hey grandma, what the fuck are you doing here?” stare.

broken record

My husband left a week ago today – Not as in left left, he “just” left for work on the other side of the world, so he’ll be back, eventually.

Having him away makes me a broken record; as in not spinning at all or whatsoever. I pretty much walk around like some zombie who doesn’t know what’s what. Some mornings are blissful, until I fully wake up and realize he’s not lying next to me. All this might sound utterly corny and ridiculous to some, but I’ve never really been away from my husband since I first met him, and you become attached, wether you like it or not, or wether you try telling yourself, and others, that you are not attached to this other person; YOU ARE, in some way or another. I used to like being alone; just spending time with no one else but myself. I loved that, but people adapt, and change, and so have I.

Like I said, me and my husband haven’t really been apart since we met, except for that one week last year where he went to Thailand with his family (a trip they had booked before we met), and it was fucking awful. I decided not to go with them, because I was in the process of finding myself a new job and all of that shit, but after he had been gone for a week, and were gonna be away for yet another week, I was just like “fuck it” and I packed a bag and flew halfway around the world for a week just so that I could be with him.

There are only really 3 things that are good with having him on the other side of the world for work – I can listen to music he doesn’t like as loud as I want and for long as I want, I don’t have to shave my legs, and I can transform the couch into a wardrobe! Other than that, it’s pretty much shit having him away – And I can not wait until he comes home to Los Angeles again.